THAT EXTRA HALF AN INCH II

The other day while WILLIS RABURU was reporting the news, he
stated that there were patients in hospital recovering from gun wound injuries.
See what he should have said is that they were recovering from gunshot
wounds…it is redundant to use wounds and injuries at the same;
I do this sort of
thing all the time. Correct my friends’ grammar, it is absolutely annoying and
they hate it. Imagine the same way it pains you to have me correct you is the
same way it bugs me to have to hear you butcher the English language;
I am anal about some
things;
I mean I don’t think
I’m obnoxious but some people really need to have their public speeches written
for them. You are denying the youth employment.  The way you speak in creates a perception of
you and it is very important to be eloquent. Okay I might be a little
obnoxious;
If I had time I would
probably write an email to the producer of Citizen TV and have Willis reread
that piece of news correctly. But the way my mind works this would probably pan
out into the romantic story of how we would eventually meet and fall in love.
Then again he’s
engaged so you see why I really have no time for that email.
That’s the problem
with being single every single thing turns into the moment for a romantic story
in pursuit of THE ONE.
Take this guy who I
used to run into at Tusky’s Beba Beba every morning on my way to work. We would
both be buying breakfast him a Samosa me a Chicken Yakitori. To be honest Chicken
Yakitori at 7:30 am is not breakfast it is brunch but who are you to judge. Anyway
we would get our snacks leave separately but end up on the same Route 46 bus to
work.
It happened more than
once so he said hey once and I guess we just sort of became bus-food friends. I
never really knew his name although I never really asked but hey we just kept
meeting randomly and bonding over breakfast.
This was cute until
one evening I am seated in my bus on my way home and there he is at the
stage…
Now am not calling
him a stalker but these are one too many coincidences… Changed my routine the
next morning
This is why Santa needs
to get me a boyfriend for Christmas…I choose Iyanya I hope his personality
matches whatever it is I find attractive about him or else I will be over him
by Valentines’
Speaking of
boyfriends I don’t know how I just picked on this particular line of thought I
guess when you’re up at 3 am in your mother’s house there’s nothing much to do
but think of these mystical creatures.
I have a friend whose
boyfriend…. naaah I can’t I caught myself in time
I wonder what you are
getting your better halves for Christmas… Oh you didn’t think you were
supposed to get her something? Tell me how that goes
If there was a
significant other he would probably be the one subjected to these long emails
about nothing really instead of you. Am sure he would read them and type back
“Bae you are a genius but you should get a journal”
And I probably should
but what’s the fun in that… someone needs to know the madness that runs
through my head
Sometimes there is so
much chaos in my life because of heartache I do not know how I survive. I trust
easily, love fiercely but I am learning my lessons;
For some reason I
just remembered this one time on went on a lunch date. If you know me you know
that when we are at Java I am all about the grilled pepper steak. I swear by
it! So first he keeps me waiting then when he gets there orders a salad! You
know the one with an assortment of fruits, nuts and yoghurt.
When a man of his
build and personality sits and orders a meal like that it does something to
you…you question everything you know about him.
Needless to say that
never got to the second date, and I may have just scared off anyone else who was
going to ask me on a date. Just ask I will not write about it
Another peeve for me
I guess is the man who asks you out on a date and then will not order anything.
I can eat anywhere on the street, in the bus ANYWHERE but I cannot sit and be
watched as I eat. The pressure!
Have you ever seen
anyone successfully bite into a cheese burger without making a mess?
Best date I have been
on so far was in October 2013 when I had Thai for dinner with a certain foreign
someone. We had the entire restaurant to ourselves and boy oh boy can the man
eat! I enjoyed myself thoroughly because this was my people, a man that loves
his food!
That bond yet to be
broken, I just hope he doesn’t read this post because… well there’s really
nothing he can do it is already out there #mydatemychoice
I bet nobody has ever
been shot and died on your first date. That’s the first sign that the
relationship is doomed. Just to be clear it was a random person that was shot
not my date.

How could I forget the date which had no idea was a date until you have to evade a situation that you did not see coming for miles. This has happened to me quite a number of times, I just do not do meals with male friends anymore.
I am always the last to know that we are no longer platonic…

I figured I
probably have a whole load of weird first date stories. 
Regardless there will
always be that one date from which you get home all tingly and smiley like you
just discovered something new. A secret that’s itching to spill but is too good
you have no idea where to start. It’s the feeling of being so sure about someone
you cannot stop your eyes twinkling. I am sure someone just came to mind just
now…treasure them;
In retrospect I
should probably just attach this to an email and send it to one of my friend’s
and then laugh over it over cocktails at Brew Bistro;
 But the only person who would really appreciate
these witty one-liners is more likely to read it online;
I really hope you
read this;

We can catch up in
person over a Wasabi J