THAT EXTRA HALF AN INCH III

My father does not
know that I blog.
He probably just
thinks I am narcissistic child who loves to get dressed up and take photos all
day and go to fashion events because I am young and that’s what we do in the 21st
Century instead of going to the disco;
When you are raised
in an African home where your father is a Professor in something utterly sciences,
is Cambridge alumni and has been the Vice-Chancellor of a university, you know
not to question a good education;
I will show him
though;
You can have a career
just sitting at home writing in a jumper and undies. This is how I like to write,
legs crossed in Indian meditation stance and then occasionally I experience
bursts of energy and dance like I am in 7/11 with Beyonce;
My dreams are valid;
Of course I value
education, I would not be able to write this well if I did not pass through
system…
I will never forget
the look he gave me when I suggested I change to the British curriculum. His
words were and I will not mince them that I would be better off seated at home
not getting an education at all;
Also the other day he
asked me why I’m always taking photos of myself, read selfies on his phones.
Apparently all the phones he has ever owned are filled with pictures of me
I almost said that it
is to have him always prepared in case he wanted to arrange a marriage for me
that he will have photographic evidence to show the suitor;
Or maybe I just want
you to scroll through the pictures in a meeting and have a better day;
Or maybe I am hinting
that I need a fancier gadget than what I currently own;
I have learnt from
him that men don’t take hint, they miss it for miles
In the 21st
Century there exists such social pressures that you HAVE to keep everyone
abreast of your life…thank you Instagram!
People purpose to
take photos for Instagram.
They actually climb
fifty stories to the rooftop to take that awesome view of the city, just so the
rest of you who work in dingy offices with hardly any lighting curse the jobs
you chose
Do you know how hard
it is to try and make your neighbour’s fence look like some fancy hedge at the
Hemmingways?
The few times I get
out and about I will add location to my post so that my life is that much more
interesting
The rest of the time
I am probably recycling photos from that one time I did something really
amazing from the comfort of my boring life #flashback #throwback
#anythingthatletsyoupostthatsamephotooverandover
I can’t have people
thinking I am not doing anything…I do after all have a reputation to
maintain;
After all hours and hours of experience in cyber stalking doesn’t count for cool points.
I bet my TL will be singing  on Christmas and New Years’

I will just watch quietly 

This reminds me,
there’s a food photo from the other day that I am yet to post, remember when my
location was Java Kimathi Street;
My father loves me but
he will not buy me an I phone or any phone for that matter;
Although he did gift
me with a phone the other day…Google Nokia Asha 500 see why I am not hitting
1,000 followers soon;
It’s not exactly
aiding my social media standing, seeing as I cannot share amazing sunsets from
my grainy camera quality;
I can’t even take
that many photos, there’s an icon up there that forever reminds me that I have
low disk space and that need to upgrade to a machine with a larger memory soon;
This is also negatively
impacting my dating life;
Just today this guy
says to me ‘You don’t even send me pictures anymore’
I just laughed and
thought, does he really know the lengths I have to go to for that one photo
Does he know my
father and I barely live in the same country?
I can’t take all my
pictures at once and keep sending them on whatsapp on different days. At some
point he will find me out and start to wonder
Does she ever go
anywhere but her room?
I can’t always wait
on Winfrey and her Xperia Z to take nice photos when I get a fresh hairstyle.
She makes me send her data bundles before she can release the pictures to me;
I am afraid she might
start watermarking them and claim copyright…then how am I supposed to survive
in this generation where IMAGE IS EVERYTHING
And an Online
Presence is worth more than money in the bank
It is affecting the
jobs offers I accept and real estate
FACT: It is now a
requirement to have the perfect lighting for selfies in any working or living
space. Otherwise what is the point of anything!
Just search location
98.4 Capital Fm and see what I mean
INSTAGRAM has to know
the boss bought you a bottle of Jack for Christmas or that you and the girl you
loathe from marketing wore the same outfit to work and that you will probably
burn yours after you hashtag twinsies on the post; they have to know that you
sit in the corner office or that Bae sent you flowers at work that day
You just have to be
winning in some way over somebody else;
See my old man is not
exactly stingy, I will tell you that as his favourite I have seen the depth of
his pockets more than all my siblings combined;
I literally throw
tantrums if I do not have my way, but my charm seems to be fading lately;
He just does not see
things the same way I do
This whole debacle
has been brought on by the need to learn independence and the value of hard
work;
What this means is that
I have to work to support my shoe addiction
I am proud because I
own a serious collection and I know now if ever I am broke or just bored at
home with nothing worth posting on Instagram I could just try each pair on and
admire my legs in the mirror
Hey I guess I might
be narcissistic after all!

Make sure you follow me on Instagram @Pisces_TwentyTwo