THAT EXTRA HALF AN INCH: MEN SPEAK OUT

Relationships for women revolve
around ideals.  Men are supposed to love
and respect you, build you up and not tear you down, share your hopes and
dreams, show you off and spoil you like your father did all your life. But can
we hold all men to the same bar… Are all our experiences the exact same?
“Ladies are smarter
than men, they work tirelessly, love unconditionally and wait patiently for the
man they love to come home.”
I am picking up from my last post
when said boy sent a text said to girl after a long disappearance and acted like they
had been speaking all along. I just want to take you back to the beginning of
that romance, we all heard your side of the story how you met and fell in love
and got your heart broken.
Ideals…
When you’re a girl and you meet a
guy and he’s paying all this attention to you, it is flattering. He says all
these nice things and you are quick to let him in. You tell him all about
yourself and hope he falls in love with you the way you do him. He becomes a
crutch on which you peg all your hopes. He is the perfect guy after all, best
listener in the world, spoils you rotten and you are comfortable being around
him because he makes you feel some typa way. Of course just when you are at the
peak of this new drug called love the rug is pulled from under you and fall off
cloud 9 head first!
Look back at your story and we
will do something which in Company law is referred to as ‘Lifting the Corporate
Veil.’ This basically means looking behind the curtain to reveal the truth
behind certain person and their intentions.
SCENARIO A
Non-verbal cues.
They did not say that wolves hide
in sheep’s cloth for nothing! We are back to women and ideals on this one. We
love to talk and hear words that please us but fail to listen to what really
matters, those words that go unsaid. The name of the game is flirting and for
some this is an ego trip that involves little emotion and no intention to
engage long-term.
Go back to when you met, how you
met and your interactions after that and it will tell you his intentions with
you. There are three sides to this coin, your story, his story and the truth.
See while you were busy talking and being lavished by his attention, he was
observing you. Some men are expert predators and will go to any length to make
you think he is there for good. He needs only to chat with you for three days
on Whatsapp to know you and the type of man he needs to be in order to appeal
to you. If he needs to be in a relationship to get to his goal he will be…
Do you really know anything about
this man that you supposedly love? Can you tell anything about his past, his
childhood, friends oh wait even his middle name? His side of the story is that
he spotted new prey that he wanted to play with and he had to do what he had to
do to get it. You are both adults so if you made an assumption based on the
fact that you hang out every weekend that he wanted a relationship that one is
on you. He does not hold himself responsible for any casualties. At no point
did he ever intimate that there was the intention for anything ‘defined’. You
only heard what you wanted to hear because you were enjoying the attention you
forgot to ask the right questions! This is so much easier these days especially
with Whatsapp. He constantly sends you photos during the day of what he is
getting up to and you are deluded that he is involving you in his life. He is
probably chatting with you and three other girls and you are all getting the
daily updates.
This reminds me of growing up and
playing with boys, it was all fun and games until they start playing rough and
you get hurt. There are always signs, look at them do not be blinded by false
flattery. Do not make excuses for him! Call him out if he fails to call you
when he promised he would, or when he actually stands you up! Most likely if it
is just a game no amount of trying to understand him will get you anywhere.
Especially after his long disappearance, please do not be shut up and smile
like its all okay.
If he’s a wolf, he’s had his fun
all he wants to do now six months down the line is just revisit.
Shortly…
SCENARIO B
Going down a slippery slope
In the event that he is indeed
genuine and he really did intend to be engaged long-term then this begs the
question Why? I had a couple of male opinions of course and one thing came out
and I will quote my friend Oscar,
“It is a system glitch in our
coding. When we feel it’s moving too fast we take time off. Once we are back in
a good place we reappear.” Another friend, Robert was of the opinion that,
“It moves fast and breaks down
during the more serious stage. The dating is all rosy but women overlook the
important thing…getting to know their man. His childhood, personality,
experiences and ambitions will tell you why he does what he does. We wake up
one day and realize that we have quickly let someone into our lives but we are
not so sure anymore. How and when did you get there and more importantly who is
this person? So we step back a little to analyze whether we want to continue.
Sometimes all we need is for you to hold our hand through it because when we
finally you know that the know you then we protect what we love.”
Frankly I didn’t even think men had
deep thoughts beyond strong opinions on football and politics. Are they really
sometimes just scared?  Interesting! My
qualm with this however, is why not say that you needed space and again what is
it that you are doing with this space. Do you just claim amnesia and expect us
to love you regardless of the BS you put us through? Do you actually walk
around for six months sometimes more sometimes less with the part in your
memory where we exist deleted?
Anyway ladies whether he is a
Type A wolf or a real sweetie as in Type B… What do you do in such a scenario!!
I am still lost.
Meanwhile, I have a friend who is
pulling a GONE GIRL on a guy for whatever reason but that’s a story for another
day…