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THAT EXTRA HALF AN INCH: GROWING PAINS

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Am I the only woman my age that is currently uninterested in getting married or having a child?

Every day I scroll through my timeline and someone has either had a baby or is engaged. The more I see those posts pop up, the more I feel pressure to stay away from it all. I understand and appreciate mothers, mine is one of the best but I feel like I still have a story to write. I always tell my friends the day I will be ready to sit at Sanford’s and willing to let a 5 year old eat his or her chips, sausage and then have most of my chips and soda, then and only then will I be ready for motherhood. Let’s be honest I am selfish! But then again I doubt I would take my kids to Sanford’s with all the fuss about healthy lifestyles. In my day, parents will probably line up at healthy food joints to get carrot sticks and celery juice.

It seems funny but the type of sacrifices my mother made for me, I do not know that I can do that for someone else, not now. I have such big dreams that if I had to make the choice between jetting off to Asia for 6 months and staying home to change diapers I would probably pack my bags without thinking. Before you pass judgment, I will have you know I have had a taste of both sides. Fun and settled down and I do enjoy both in little doses. I babysat my nephew for a week while his mother was in Dubai and I was just consumed by him. He is the cutest (there was a poll and he won) I could barely peel myself away from him in the mornings to go to school. One of those days he threw a tantrum and I was up all night trying to get him to sleep, eventually he wore himself out but only slept for two hours before we were back up.

I want to hate it but I really loved the time we spent especially because he would smile and his eyes would close in the cutest way as if he’s saying, “Auntie, you know I’m cute. Say it! Say it!” Then again I also live for the adrenalin rush moments when I can just walk out of the house and come back after three days. I would go for more but I often need to change clothes. Most of the times when I post selfies or posts on my blog it seems like it is all fun and games. I do have fun but most of it involves a lot of emails, authorization, research, interviews and write-ups. Those are just the easy parts on social media. Those who follow me on Snapchat know what my Friday nights look like, my friends also almost want to kill me when we’re trying to schedule group activities and I have no time in my diary for them. But I love it; I want to see where it grows and takes me.

I know women in my mother’s day did it all, go to school, work and raise a family, but I believe they did it so that we would not have to do it the same way. I think our generation has a fighter chance at beating the odds and going for our dreams first. The increase in early and single parenthood is growing at an alarming rate that I ask myself whether this is the path we are all meant to follow as women. Are we all supposed to just aspire to motherhood and relationships. It just feels like where we are at as a generation and with social media the pressures are changing. Rather than have girls ashamed of pregnancies and hide at home, baby bumps are flaunted and while it is not a bad thing it might also send off the wrong message. I encourage young mums to also post about the nights they spend watching baby breathe just to make sure he is alive or the lengths they go to get a packet of diapers for those who do struggle. Let us in on the full story not just the rosy bits.

One of my married friends was trying to sell the idea to me and I just did not agree with them. It might be the best thing to have happened to you but that is not my reality at the moment. I’m saying this not to pass judgment on mothers or married couples my age or younger but just as an encouragement to the rest who want to be different. I have friend who does not think she wants to have kids at all. I would rather be single than stay in a toxic relationship. My best friend, Cathy left for the UK about a year ago and has done more things than I could ever have dreamt her doing, she documents her adventures on her blog, The Adventures of Cathy. She was quite timid but she is now a different woman, she feels to me more confident and open-minded than before.

Ideally, I would love to raise my kids myself, that means stay at home running my brand and blog as well as do the whole soccer mum bit (no housework though I have never learnt I am not yet fully house trained and I doubt at 23 that will ever change). I like to think that this will all happen in its own time and according to God’s will. Right now feels like the time to look for the cupboard in which Nereah will put the baby’s plate. See what I did there? No? Okay. The baseline of my thoughts today is, be who you want to be. Do not be defined by social media expectations or pressure. Set for yourself your own expectations and live in such a way that one day your own young ones will want to follow. I honestly want to be able to push them to dream bigger than I did.

Since I know you are all wonderful readers, if at 30 I will be bitter and whining about being unmarried, post this to my timeline on all social media platforms then just to remind me to live by my own truth. All those reasons plus have you tried dating in the 21st Century, that is a conversation for another day. I had started the conversation on dating before here and here.

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Ciao!

 

  • Job Kiruhi

    good advice to young women. live life on your own terms.

  • i love your writing. but i had the same inhibitions, now i’m married and i do not foresee myself having a child of my own but you never know things just happens. the point is listening to yourself, doing things at your own pace and being at peace with who you are and the choice you make/made.

    wish you all the best and many hugs
    xx

    • Grace Ndiege

      Such wise words, I wish more and more people spoke up about this. It is so much easier when you know that you are not alone, even one other human is enough.

  • I absolutely love this! Like you wrote exactly what I’ve been thinking.. Wonderful dear! Never stop

    • Grace Ndiege

      I hope to continue writing for a really long time. Thank you dear.

  • I thought i was alone,it sucks that everyone wants to control my life,why are you not married like your friend,when is your boyfriend coming to see your parents? Like excuse me it’s my life do i really have to be like others?

    • Grace Ndiege

      Haha when you are both ready is the right answer to that question.

  • jay

    Nice piece

    • Grace Ndiege

      Thank you.

  • You are a very talented writer for sure. I totally get your point on the dilemma between being a career woman and a family woman and it is never easy to be successful at both because one will always suffer at the expense of the other. I however think it all comes down to an individual, some want the family life while other want to be a career woman, if you work hard at it you can have it all though! Don’t let your past relationships define your future relationships. I wish you well.
    fashionstylemogul.com

    • Grace Ndiege

      I will try not to I have my reservations though

  • Ms. Mburugu

    I love this post. This is a brilliant piece. You actually speak for those who think differently.

    • Grace Ndiege

      Thank you, I like to think that this is a safe space for everyone even those who subscribe to this school of thought.

  • EiEileen

    Grace,I had the same thoughts somewhere and was told I was being childish..thanks for the back up!!

    • Grace Ndiege

      Ha-ha what now? Some people can be mean, I think you should be entitled to feel a certain way without having to apologize for it.

  • anor reason we should discourage women getting pregnant is it really anoys me when i am lining up in a bank n the line is long n here comes a pregnant woman jumping the line!!!! nice piece

    • Grace Ndiege

      Pick me up in Rongai!!! I swear you are so funny kirui, have you voted in this country before, hawkers will almost try to sell you an infant so you could jump the queue.

  • brilliant, just brilliant. you continue to write wonderfully.
    I agree with you, this pressure to marry on a young las is sometimes too much. I’ve seen my buddies at 23/24 marrying and it can get to you. oh and i haven’t seen what you’ve done there with Nereah :-)

    • Grace Ndiege

      YASSSSSS! Someone got the Nereah Joke. Thank you for reading.