I am officially on the market!

For a job not a husband…I had intended for this post to be a few hours after my last paper but I have been dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. You know technically I finished school last year but the way my course is set up, you need an extra year of training. The way I’m seeing it doctor’s and lawyers are at par. My colleagues and I will save a few lives too! What is important is that I am about to impart you with wisdom to help you survive the education system, more specifically law school. It is a long way off before my results are out but i predict success for me to be considered eligible to enter the roll of advocates.  Yes I said ‘considered’ not guaranteed…

At the beginning of the year when you are starting the course, you imagine all sorts of atrocities. So many uncertainties and anxiety, people are excited some are nervous, some determined while others remain nonchalant. It is wise to join a study group now but if you are like me then it means you are great at planning how to read. Key word PLANNING. After first term is over you realize how much more needs to be done and how orals are not so far, it is at this point that you should really really consider joining this study group. But of course if you are a great planner like yours truly, orals will spring up on you while you are still planning your study session and now you are under pressure to excel.

Lucky for you there is a shortcut in the form of a booklet available at the bureau. This is your Bible cram it if you want a fighting chance in front of the panel. Between that, watching the news daily for two months and your charm you should be pull through. After orals you start to get impatient with exams. To be honest you are all tired and attending classes starts to become a chore.  You have been religious all year so it is fine to exercise your right to miss a third. Suddenly everyone thinks like you and 50% of the class lives in the library. Of course half the time you keep checking your phone for an alert, the lecturer after all might go mad and decide to call out names on the register because there is no quorum. So nothing really is achieved.

This is the point where great planners start plotting how to tackle exams.  As the exam draws closer and closer you start going between anger and negotiation. Any reason to have exams postponed or delayed is welcome after all you can plan to read during this time. Exams in uni are bigger than Christmas, the bureau that makes copies of notes and mints from students every last cent. There is always that set of notes that you need to have because they are the very best. Students you have never known existed materialize, suddenly lecturers become the most sought after persons for clarifications.

The paranoia…oh the paranoia suddenly there are rumors of a leaked exam. Messages in your inbox cannot be taken lightly, not when they STRONGLY advise you to read specific areas. These come at the oddest times including five minutes before the paper. You want to win any way you can so  you would rather be safe than sorry. This is when you realize  few important key lessons:

One: The mind is  a powerful tool, if you ever doubted you not cram 5 years of law in one night the you are in for a surprise. Your retention power is on steroids of course depending on whether the questions require you to copy paste rather than apply. Two: Examiners are the trained to exude high levels of mind fuckery. Every day they have a new way of messing you up emotionally. just when you think you figured them out the next day instructions makes Question 10 compulsory. You know they have you where they want when you go through your answers awarding yourself marks for each question trying to estimate how you will score.

Three: there is no greater enemy of progress than Kenya Power. They are the ultimate power player, your life and exams are theirs to play with. I am convinced that this is a conspiracy with examiners. Four: Your family has never been needy until its exam month. Usually most people do not go home this last month or chat on WhatsApp groups and suddenly your parents do not understand that this is a crucial time and they have to settle with being second best after books. When you enroll at school they leave you with threats of how bad things will happen when you don’t pass. Parents need to realize one thing, NOBODY GOES HOME when exams are near, so stop trying to make your children feel guilty.

Five: creativity is key. If are cannot wing it bow out while you still can. There are many ways to kill a rat, same as there are to successfully answering a legal question. Sometimes that beautiful brain of yours can fail you and terribly so, during this time your ability to bullshit can be your greatest savior. Use this option widely throwing in legal jargon where you can, just to show the marker you know your stuff.

You see exams go beyond all the cliques that exist in your class. It does not discriminate, during exams don’t be surprised if that guy you didn’t think saw you came up to borrow your notes. By the time you are coming up to a close your patience has run out and you just want them to be over. Acceptance creeps in and you no longer care about passing, right now your wish is to be drowned in a bottle of cheap alcohol.


I want to hear your experience with exams and look out for a giveaway right here next week.

  • kennedy kariuki

    Lol. A really annoying thing was those friends who wud discuss answers after exam.

    • Hahaha I’m still struggling with that and it comes up at the oddest times!

  • Job Kiruhi

    “Examiners are the trained to exude high levels of mind fuckery.” someone got messed up by exams.

    • Hahaha I am just sharing my experience what was yours like?

      • Job Kiruhi

        hehehe. The exams haunt me everyday. Imagine while preparing for a pupilage interview today I had to revise my legal writing notes and I discovered all the blunders I made in the LWD exam.